Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've blown a few things in my day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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