I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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