My friends, they love my intelligence
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think i just lost a toe
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
