I wish I could teleport
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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