Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I cannot find my penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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