I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
