Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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