I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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