i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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