this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
