The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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