I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
