Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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