I must be too annoying 4 u.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
