It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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