it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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