I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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