Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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