that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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