I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
