The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
