Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
