wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
