none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
