fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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