I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are the jesus of drinking
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize