i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
