She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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