I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
