I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
