I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
