just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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