Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
