He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize