just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we should paint friendship bongs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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