i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
