i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
