rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
