it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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