she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize