grandma shit on top of the toilet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
