You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
