Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
