Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And then my night got REAL pukey
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
