We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
