I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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