I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
