i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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