Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
