im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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