omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
