Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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