I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
