Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
