Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
