She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize