Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
