He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
