I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
