I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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