masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
