I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
