If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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