Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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