Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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