So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
