You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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