i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
