At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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