new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had to cum in my sink.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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