glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize