i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
