JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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