i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
