I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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