the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
