What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
