i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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