"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
