thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
