sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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