There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
