im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
