i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
