I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
