dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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