woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
