bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
