Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
