Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
