the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
