just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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