hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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