I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
