You're so nebulous sometimes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
