I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
