This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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