If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
