It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
