This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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