Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
