Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
