Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
