I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
