I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
