Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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