So many bounce houses so little time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
