I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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