i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
