Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
