You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
