The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
